Carnivore

After my appointments at Emory this morning, we went to lunch at Longhorns again, and as invariably happens, when the waitress brought our order out, she gave Jimmy the steak and me his Sonoma chicken salad. They always look so surprised that it's the wife eating like a lumberjack.

It's interesting, too, that my blood counts are higher than usual for Day 8 of chemo: maybe this carnivorous frenzy is paying off.

Where's the beef?

In my last round of chemo, I got Rituxan, 6 infusions of Cytoxan, 4 doses of Decadron, and 24 straight hours of Doxyrubicin, BUT they did leave off that nasty Vincristine - I was starting to develop some neuropathy in my hands and feet, so I guess Dr. Lonial decided to take it off the line-up. I'd had enough anyway. I know it may be a little early to tell yet, but so far, I feel better than average for this stage of the game. It HAS to be not having Vincristine. And I am starving.

My eating habits have changed profoundly . Before all of this, I lived on veggies and salads, cereals, little meat . I probably had not eaten 5 hamburgers in the last 15 years. Chemo has changed all that. After a week of chemo in the hospital, I CRAVE red meat. Yesterday, I got Jimmy to take me to LongHorns for lunch. I wolfed down a Flo's Filet, a loaded baked potato, and all the fresh bread and butter I could get my hands on. But by 5:30 that afternoon, I was famished again, so he took me to the Steak n Shake for a double cheeseburger and a bag of fries. That held me til supper.

Today wasn't so bad - I've only had one huge cheeseburger and a good-sized bag of sweet potato fries. I'll make up for it tomorrow - I want something BIG - like a 16 0z prime rib or a great big ribeye - don't gimme any green stuff - just meat and potatoes and lots of it.

Monday night

I finally got out of the hospital this morning - it was only for five nights, but it seemed like a month this time. Everything is proceeding along as expected, and we're now just waiting for my counts to fall. Only one more incarceration to go!

July 22

We spent a wonderful six days in Highlands, and it was just what the doctor ordered: I came back feeling like a different person. I just lay around and read, enjoyed the cool fresh air and looking out at the mountains. It was even enjoyable taking Andy for walks on the leash, away from the stifling heat of Atlanta.

Jimmy had me admitted to Emory yesterday, and Round 7 has begun, and so far, so good. Yesterday my blood counts were almost normal for the first time in ages, it's so good to feel good. I know I'm getting slammed again but it makes it easier to know that after 4 weeks off the chemo, you CAN start to feel like a normal human being again.

Ellen Van Winkle

Sometimes, after finding out what the next few months were going to be like, I'd think, "Wouldn't it be nice if I could just take a nice nap and wake up and have all of this behind me." Well, as they say, be careful what you wish for...I've been doing some marathon sleeping lately: Jimmy says it's been sixteen out of twenty-four hours at least. I guess that's what my body needs right now.

The recovery from Round 6 has not been as tough as Round 5's recovery ( but how would I know? I've slept through it.) I'm supposed to go into the hospital tomorrow to begin Round 7, but I can't because even after numerous bags of blood and platelets, my counts are still way too low, so yesterday they told us we could go to Highlands for a few days to mend. I can sleep and make platelets in much more comfort there than here in sweltering Atlanta. And the change of scenery will do us both a world of good.

I got the results of the PET CT I just had and everything looks great: I still show no sign of active cancer anywhere in my body, and the tumor has shrunken .2 more centimeters. It's so small that they say it may be just scar tissue.

I take back what I said about wishing I could sleep through this experience. It's a hard thing to explain. I think often about a conversation I had with a Highlands friend who was battling a form of leukemia, and who was about to have a stem cell transplant at Duke (he had underlying cardiac issues and did not survive) and I told him how sorry I was that he was sick. He thanked me and said," I'm sorry, too, but I'm not sorry for the things I've learned from it, about life and what's important, about faith, about myself and the people I love and the people who love me. It has been a rewarding, enriching experience, but I just wish I didn't have to have cancer to learn all these things." I've thought about that conversation a lot.

Overdue update

Tuesday

We finished Round 6 uneventfully, and in spite of my occasional whine, I'm doing very, very well. It's a tough regimen, but the hematology staff have all assured me how pleased they are with my response.

I cannot say enough about how wonderful Jimmy has been throughout all this. Taking care of me has been a full time job, and he has done it cheerfully and without complaint. I have not driven the car since February, after the exploratory surgery, so he has had to do EVERYTHING.

He had gone with me to every medical appointment, and they have been numerous and time consuming.


He has run all the errands, has bought all the groceries, and seen to it that we have three good meals a day.

He has even taken Andy on most of his walks!

What a guy!


Friday

Sorry I forgot to post this, but I have a roaring case of chemo-brain, which has manifested itself in forgetfulness and poor attention span. It's very normal and will go away. I hope.

Also my counts have dropped to nothing again, and I'm sleeping a lot, and don't feel like doing much when I'm awake.

I'm going to go ahead and post this before I forget to.